I have consumed a bowl of cheeseburger soup, a glass of wine, a Tylenol, and a Benadryl.
I have developed intense, prickly itching around my face and throat. There is really no explanation for this. My temperature is close to normal again; 98.2. The sweating has not recurred. The fathers have swooped in and taken away their children from the house of plague. I really cannot be anything but grateful for this, although I worry about the one's wife, who is expecting and I do not want her to be infected. I slept most of the afternoon, and have no recollection of dreaming.
I am definitely not rational right now, and keep having thoughts which have little basis in reality. I would blame a fever, if I had one. Have I mentioned that this is the stupidest illness ever? I hate it. I have been much sicker in the past, but I have never been so surreally sick. I heard voices downstairs earlier... but then, I also heard a cacophony of wailing from outside my bedroom window this morning, and a dog on the ceiling barking. I am dizzy and at some point I seem to have fallen, as I am bruised on my left shoulder and hip. I do not remember falling. Maybe I fell out of bed. My sense of spatial relationships is uniquely fucked, in a way it is never fucked. I am normally a spatial relationships ninja. It's what I DO.
I AM PRETTY SURE THIS IS NOT CHEESEBURGER RELATED, YOU GUYS.
On some level I am enjoying the shit out of having, or at least documenting, a mystery malaise that is unlike anything I have ever had before. It's a unique experience, right? An adventure. On the other hand all I want to do is feel good and make some beads and help paint my friend's house tomorrow.
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The symptoms sound exactly like maletic monoprotein fromageasia to me. See, I just knew something like this would happen.
ReplyDeletePlease tell me you did not neglect to desinfect the pickles. In certain strains of pickle the surface yeast may form a symbiotic relation with a rare type of micro organism in the cheese. Usually they do not come into contact with eachother, as cheeseburger manufacturers closely monitor their ingredients to only use either one or the other in a single brand of cheeseburger.
Unfortunately, you probably have been eating many kinds of cheeseburger, so proper pickle hygiene is of the utmost importance to your (and the general populace) health and safety.