You knew it was coming. No, there will not be pictures... sorry, Professor Cramulus.
So my digestive system usually runs like a well-oiled machine, if you get my drift. I am into and out of the bathroom in under sixty seconds 99% of the time. I typically eat a lot of vegetables, and it keeps things moving pretty well.
Needless to say, cheeseburgers do not have this effect. For one thing, I am only pooping maybe every other day rather than my usual twice daily, and when I do go, it pellets out reluctantly, like shy bunnies at a shooting range. I am anticipating that part of this is simply due to the abrupt dietary change, and I can expect it to, um, even up a bit in a week or so. In the meantime I am drinking SO MUCH water.
Also, my farts smell like cheese.
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It's very important to document all of this. Future generations of cheeseburger experimenters will want to cross reference each other's solid waste. Science is a nasty fetish!
ReplyDeleteI think maybe YOU need to make "poopexperiment.blogspot.com" before someone else thinks of it.
ReplyDeleteNIGEL, STOP THIS MADNESS IMMEDIATELY
ReplyDeleteEATING CHEESEBURGERS FOR A MONTH WILL TURN YOU INTO A HUMAN WHALE WITH CANCEROUS DIABETES
YOU'LL GROW TO HATE ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND DEVELOP PARANOID BORDERLINE BIPOLAR SCHIZOTYPAL NARCISSISTIC DYSLEXIC ASSBURGER'S SYNDROME ONCE THE CHEESEBURGER TOXINS SEEP INTO YOUR BRAIN
YOUR CHILDREN WILL BECOME ESTRANGED, YOUR SKIN WILL BECOME OLD AND WRINKLY WITHIN WEEKS, YOUR ORGANS WILL FAIL, YOUR BLOOD WILL BECOME A RIVER OF PURE CHOLESTEROL, YOUR HOUSE WILL BURN DOWN, AND THE WEATHER WILL BE JUST AWFUL
ALSO YOU'LL DEVELOP A KANSAS ACCENT AND POOP COWS
I think the romance just wore off today. But, keep up the good work! God bless!
ReplyDeleteI found out about your blog from a coworker at County Cork tonight.
ReplyDeleteI will follow religiously.
And if you come in Friday night, the tattooed, head-shaved server will buy you a burger.
Awww! :) If I didn't have a dinner date with a 10-year-old Friday, I'd be all over that.
ReplyDeleteSome other time, then :)
ReplyDeleteHell yeah!
ReplyDeleteWow- even a year plus after the fact this poopy cheesy blog is highly entertaining!
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should do it again- this time with solely the McDonald's McRib sandwich- hold the mayo.
Ha.